So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
