I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We're too hungover to prance.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
