Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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