the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
