The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
