Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
