The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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