You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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