Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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