Please, let me fuck your mom
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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