I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
