Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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