i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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