I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
