You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
