I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Let's get the cat blown out
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
