Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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