A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
