At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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