Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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