I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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