Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
