I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
