Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
