I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
