There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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