just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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