just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
