I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
