we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
