Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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