so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
