the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
