All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
