Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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