anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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