What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Randomize
