You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just forgot I was standing up.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
