Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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