Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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