Tell her she can't have a vagina
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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