why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
