I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
