Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
