I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
