I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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