at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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