Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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