dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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