he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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