i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
